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  • Jen Visitacion

All the Shoulds

Are you manufacturing obligations that don't really exist?

Think about it. How many times a day to you feel you “should” be doing something that you aren’t?

Here are just a few things I’ve heard this week from clients, friends and in my own head:

I should be eating healthier

I should exercise

I should make a decision

I should clean my house

I should have better boundaries with my child

I should be a better parent

I should hold that staff member accountable

He should act differently

They shouldn’t talk about that

I should have their back

They should have my back

They should just do their job

I should get out more I should drink less

Ughh. Even just writing this list of “all the shoulds” I’ve heard this week…gives me a stomach ache.

What if NONE of the above is true.

What if you replaced SHOULD with WANT.

Often we lose touch with our desires and inner guidance because of the narrative we tell ourselves. When we manufacture obligation for something we actually WANT- we create stress instead of nourishment when we give ourselves these things.

For example- look at the following:

I should clean my house.

This thought makes me overwhelmed and want to procrastinate Likely I’m not going to be motivated by this thought….just resentful of all of the reasons its dirty.

I want a clean house.

for me this inspires action to clean or get help. Why do I want a clean house? Because I thrive in a clean and organized environment. It makes me feel good…and I deserve that.

So- try it on for size. Make a list of all the shoulds. Then replace with want and notice if your feeling or motivation changes.

If you can’t replace it with WANT- then question if its really necessary.

Happy Friday